Why? Why? Why?
Why? The one word I will never have all the answers to because some things will never be known here on this earth. And honestly, this frustrates me so much sometimes. I am frustrated not only when I suffer heartaches, but I am also deeply saddened when my beloved friends and family suffer.
Heather and Jeremy.
Heather and Jeremy are probably one of THE funniest, most down to earth couples, I have ever known. Heather is the heart. Jeremy is the solution. Jeremy is her rock. Heather is his number one fan. Jeremy is the "Heather, go and get the "No Dogs Allowed Sign out of their yard." Heather is the "Fine, since I adore you, I will do it." Jeremy is the "Hahaha, I am going to drive off while you are running with the sign in your hand" They are hilarious. They complement each other. They are considerate. They are love.
And they suffer. They suffer together. And like many people, they suffer from the effects of one hurricane after another. They keep coming. One. Then two. Then three. Then four. When is enough enough?
Heather texted me to tell me how, once again, our lives seem to be the same when it comes to trials and tribulations because when it rains it POURS. She told me she was hit by a hurricane while trying desperately to help both her and Jeremy's side of the family with heart wrenching difficulties.
I took the hurricane part literally, and flipped on the weather channel and started texting people in the area to make sure they were ok during the "hurricane", which Heather later politely corrected me in that the hurricane was metaphorically speaking. The hurricane only hit HER house. Being an English teacher, I should have picked up on THAT one. It really does describe her situation though. Heather's hurricane season.
Heather has disclosed to me many things that have happened to her during her childhood and into her adulthood. We really bonded in the similarities of our dysfunctional stories. Stories of people bringing evil into our innocent lives and tainting our child like faith. Satan, the father of lies, would try to rob us of our freedom in Christ. But as she grew older, she would grow to lean on her earthly fathers. However, even that would be taken from her.
In July 2009, Heather lost a man in her life that showed her love and compassion. He took her in and she became his daughter. This man was Jeremy's father. This past July, Heather then unexpectedly lost her own father, whom she loved dearly while she admired his love for his grandchildren. Her love for both of her fathers gave her the courage and the strength to speak at both of their funerals. And then at the same time, Jeremy and Heather both fought to keep their grandmothers healthy and alive.
Why? Why does this happen? Why so much at one time? Why do good things have to happen to such wonderful people? Why can't You just give them a break?
And then I wonder, why do they seem to experience the same heartaches at the same exact time? Will this somehow bring Jeremy and Heather closer in that they are suffering the same heartaches? I pray they will see how this will help each other in understanding the loss of their beloved fathers. Lean into each other. Lean into God.
And then even as I advise them to lean into God, I wonder how can we lean into You? How can I lean into You when I feel this could have been prevented from happening? Why would God allow bad things to happen to me? To Heather? To all who love You so much? Why would God create us only for us all to hurt and suffer? Because I am hurting. Heather is hurting. So many of us are hurting.
And as a parent, if I KNEW my beloved Kayleigh would be tragically hurt in any way, whom I would trade my comfort for her pain in a heartbeat, whom I would die for, would I even allow her to be brought into this world? Why would God allow me to be brought into this world?
I realize, I am a child of God. God is my father. And I seek his face for healing and answers. Why? Why would You allow us to be brought into this world to suffer so many heartaches? So many storms, one after another. What do you want from me?
And then a SPECIFIC REVELATION is gently and patiently revealed to me once again.
GOD IS LOVE. GOD IS GOOD.
God doesn't choose to love. God IS Love. God doesn't choose to be good. God IS good. Anything and anyone else that is void of love and goodness is void of God. And that is something we cannot control. We cannot control life. Life happens. And it happens to us all.
When life happens, and it always does, we want answers. And sometimes we will get the answers quickly and sometimes it will come to us slowly. And sometimes the answers are already there but we refuse to accept what God is telling us to be true. We sometimes refuse to believe the truth, even when it is staring us right in the face.
We cannot possibly know all of the answers at all times and that is where my FAITH must fill in the gaps. Be patient with me as I have been on both sides of the "faith" answer. I have heard it many times too and I still think sometimes....FAITH!? How can I possibly have faith at a time like THIS? I want answers!
First of all,what EXACTLY is faith?
Faith is the "confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing" and does "not rest on logical proof or material evidence."
Which is ironic because my faith is based on answers that are logical to me because of material evidence of the TRUTH. However, the truth cannot always be revealed to us right when we want it. Sometimes we are not ready.
Just as Kayleigh is not mature enough to know EVERYTHING, I must shield her from things she is not ready to HEAR or SEE. It is the same for us, as children of God, we must be still and wait for HIS timing. And that for me, is the MOST difficult part of faith. I want it NOW, NOW, NOW!
And just because I want it NOW and don't get it NOW, doesn't make the TRUTH invalid.
NOW isn't always God's best. And the truth is, like Heather and Jeremy and myself, we will have to go through life's obstacles and wonder why. But we have each other to guide us through the hurricanes. And after a hurricane is always a rainbow. A rainbow to prove God's promise to us all. The promise to never forsake us. And I have FAITH in this TRUTH.
My FAITH may waiver as I am flawed. But as I grow to become closer to God, my faith becomes stronger. And my faith stems from my belief and knowledge that God speaks to me. He speaks to me through His Word, through what people say, or maybe in a song, or in my mind. I know in my heart, and I BELIEVE God has the perfect plan for our lives.
We have to have faith and surrender OUR plans and have FAITH in God's plan, which is what is BEST. I will have to remember that when we make our own choices to follow our own plans without seeking God, we create our own hurricanes. And thus, we all create hard life lessons sometimes, which is not because of God, but because of our lack of obedience.
But sometimes our lives are caught in a hurricane because our focus needs to be on God. He wants to make us grow and become the man or woman He knows we can be. He knows what is in our hearts. And He is the only one to know our truth.
And even for people that do not believe, He will try to gain their attention, but sometimes people harden their hearts and no longer hear what God is trying to say.
And sometimes what God is trying to say may take place in a hurricane. And then another hurricane. And then another. However, all good and bad things will serve the purpose of God.
So in effect, our circumstances do not determine whether God IS Love or whether God IS good. This truth will never change. God will never change. But our circumstances will always change. And sometimes it will change in a storm. When we can praise God, even during our hurricanes, the enemy is defeated. The enemy is defeated by Heather. By others. By me.
AND as for me, and as a child of God, I say, let it rain. I will see the light. I will enjoy the rainbow.
I have been wanting to find a place to volunteer Malachi as a therapy dog. This has been laid upon my heart for many months. We plan on going to our training later this month. I have decided to go through Delta Society. I am excited to find, yet another way to witness how Christ is living in me by dedicating my time, not only to an animal, but allowing Malachi to bring comfort to people who are hurting.
